Wednesday, November 30, 2011


"Here is the test to find whether you're mission on earth is finished..."
Reading: Tomorrow I WILL be going to get "Longing" by Karen Kingsbury or I will die trying
Watching: I'm sure somewhere in my house there is some sort of Christmas move playing

 It only takes one to make a difference
It takes a little to change
Lets start today for a new tomorrow
Don’t look back
I wont look back now

Hey yah gonna find a new beginning
Lately tired of the life I’m livin
Find a way to make a change
In the lives of all of us who need
To find the meaning of life
"If you're alive,"
30 days ago I started a journey, not really sure of the path it would take me down. I just knew in my heart of hearts I needed something to change and I was ready to pursue Him more than I pursued people on Facebook. Some days were more successful than others, some days I plainly just failed, some days I soared on His wings. For the first time in a while, I felt longing. I wanted something more than just to get through and I would rather leap again and crash to the ground then keep going the way I was. And I have found some of that girl that died the first time that she was broken.

30 days ago I thought I knew what intimacy was...
and then I sat with God the first thing every morning
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." 
30 days ago I thought I was living a holy life
and then God examined by heart
"The LORD does not look at the things people look at.
People look at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart."
30 days ago I was complacent
and then God made me hungry 
"Blessed are those who hunger 
and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
30 days ago I was looking to finish the 30 days
and now I am running straight for Him
"What matters most to me is to finish what God started:
the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet 
know all about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God."

30 days ago I thought about how hard 30 days would be. Now I stand amazed at how small it seems. Because I started a lifelong journey. I stopped giving half. I stopped "doing what I was told". I just stopped. And sat. And listened, learned, and fell in love. My heart is now open to life. Because my heart has been opened to Him. Today I did not finish, I have only just begun...

 How did you finish? Or should I say how did you begin?
" isn't." ~Richard Bach

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Manic Monday or Holiday

"Happiness is an attitude."
Reading: Waiting to get to the bookstore to buy, "Longing" by Karen Kingsbury
Listening: "Hello Seattle" by Owl City

 Hello Seattle, I am an old lighthouse
Throwing beams of bright lights
Red in the morning, blue in the evening sun
Taking heed from everyone

Hello Seattle, I am a mountaineer
In the hills and highlands
I fall asleep in hospital parking lots

Take me above your light
Carry me through the night
Hold me secure in flight
Sing me to sleep tonight
 "We either make ourselves miserable,"
The random words of this song adequately describes my entire week. A random mess of words that somehow serves to make sense at the end of the week, and thankful that you survived to listen to the message at the end.
That was my week in a nutshell. And after my LONG holiday weekend in retail, I am excited to say that today was my "Friday". Everything was a success on the work front and everything went relatively smooth. My fears were relieved.
"...or happy and strong."
 In all the hubbub, I came to realize a few things over the past week. The first is that you can decide what kind of outlook you want to have. The second is even if you decide the outlook, it's only going to be amazing when you've handed it over to God. The third is that when we give Him everything thanksgiving is bountiful. I'm grateful for what I've learned. I'm thankful that He is so in love with me, that He gave me everything I've needed and more. And that He's teaching me so much about who I am. That He's molding and shaping me to be the person that shines Him. Because I sat there through everything telling people that we would make it, cheering them on when we made it through a big rush. And when one of them saw me this morning, she told me her day got better because I was there. I pray that God continues to make me this woman. A woman that makes peoples day better because He has made me and is radiating through me. Are you radiating Him?
"The amount of work is the same." ~Francesca Reigler

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Letters to Baby P- Excitement!!!

Dear (my sweet) Baby P,

OH how I love you! I get so excited every time your mommy sends me a picture of how you are growing in her little belly. I walk past rows and rows of baby clothes and toys and blankets every day, waiting to know what to buy for you! I wonder what you'll be, who you'll be, and when you'll be here to see us.
Right now your about 5 months; a little more than half-baked, halfway here! And we are anxiously awaiting the news of whether you are going to be my sweet and gentle girl like your mother or a strong and kind little boy like your daddy.
With Christmas right around the corner, you seem even more miraculous. Because the world learned to hope through a baby. Sweet Baby P,  I keep praying for you, for the future you'll have. My mother always reminded me as a child that the prayers of a righteous mother avails much. And I know that God is hearing the prayers from your Mom and Dad, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, and the extended family like me who love you just as much as those who have a genetic bond. I can't wait to see your personality grow. I can't wait to hear the dreams God gives your heart. I can't wait until next year when you have a holiday of firsts. To see the spirit of wonder and excitement in your eyes as you learn new things.
I get the feeling that you will be the best of both your parents. That you'll have that sweet and gentle nature of your mama but you will be a little more outgoing like your papa. That you will love serving others. That you'll have a heart for worship. That you'll have her love for dancing and that nervous little giggle like she does. I have a feeling unlike your mama you'll thrive on adventure on new things. I think you are already rubbing that off on your Mommy.
You're mom has this way of bringing out the best in everyone she meets, and that's why I know you will be amazing. I don't think I've ever spent a day in my life truly angry or upset with her. But I've spent a thousand or more thankful for her. I hope that one day you'll see all this in her. That you will take it as a compliment that you look and act so much like her. That one day if, heaven forbid, you should need me to, I will remind you of everything that is good and amazing about her.
Because you will be evidence of the best of her.

But until that day we'll be waiting, with open arms!!!
Aunt Tricia

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Mummify and the un

"The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness,"
Reading: Waiting to get to the bookstore to buy, "Longing" by Karen Kingsbury
Watching: The sun come up in my window
Listening:"Preserve Me" by Jordan Johnson

Preserve me oh God
Let not shame stand in my way
I have no good apart from you

I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy
I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy

Won't you open up my soul
Won't you open up my soul
"but in allowing happiness to change it's form without being disappointed by the change;"
Have you ever noticed there are three types of people? The ones who see the best in others, but the worst of themselves. The ones who see themselves as the best, and the rest of the world as less. And the ones who get it right, they see the best and the worse in themselves and others and praise people in their strengths yet gently encourage them to grow in their weak areas.
This week I've really been struggling with the idea that I am failing, in all areas of life. Not in a, "woe is me, the world would be better without me" way. But in this way of having unrealistic expectations of myself that I would never expect of others. Of expecting people to find fault with me or my actions when I know in my heart I have done nothing to justify these feelings, when I have opened myself up to others to let me know when I've wronged them.
The truth is I know, I am far from perfect. I know I will make mistakes. If I took a step back I could look at this week and KNOW I have made a few. But I have been condemning myself when I easily could go to the Lord with sincerity in my heart, and be loved. And I have. But I need to be reminded that I am accepted as well.
Because the truth is I will make mistakes
I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
   apart from you I have no good thing.”  
But I was chosen even at my lowest points
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things
—and the things that are not—
to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. 
And given a path to be made new
On the other hand, if we admit our sins
—make a clean breast of them—
he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. 
He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. 
I fell in love with our "quote for the day" this morning because the truth is happiness changes with the season, we are allowed to find it; but joy, true joy, comes from Jehovah. I'm so thankful for that. So let's preserve joy, and unwrap the mummy of self deprecation. So what are you and I not letting go of? It's been 24 days of journeying with God. Seeking Him out wholly. Will we wholly give ourselves to Him?
"happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up." ~Charles L. Morgan

Sunday, November 20, 2011


"Everyone must choose one of two pains:"
Reading: Hebrews 12
Listening:"I Will Run" by Misty Edwards
I will run the race set before me
I will seek Your face
As the prize of my life
I will run, I will run, I will run

All I want is You,
All I crave is You.
"the pain of discipline,"
In case you haven't caught on today, I've been studying Hebrews 12. And I'm loving what I am learning.
It's been interesting learning. It's been interesting growing over the past 20 days. And I am looking forward to what the next 10 hold. My drive to run after Him is more and more everyday. And I am finding I am so in love with Him. I'm learning to love everything about Him. From the moments He disciplines me, to the simple ways He shows me who I am. I am loved and I am His.
"or the pain of regret." ~Jim Rohn

Friday, November 18, 2011


"The angels are so enamored of the language spoken in heaven..."
Reading: Re-reading "Learning" by Karen Kingsbury
Watching: The sun shining on my stain glass window
Listening:"Captivated" by Shawn McDonald

'Cause I am, I'm captivated by You
In all that You do
I am, I'm captivated

The wind and the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made me
"...that they will not distort their lips with the hissing and unmusical dialects of men,"
Last night I sat on my couch reflecting on how enamored I am with God, my Father and at the same time the Lover of My Soul. I am so in love with Him right now. In this time of fasting, I am STILL thinking about Him, even in the hour or so I watch television with my mother, even as I fall asleep, even as I am ringing people up at work, even as I am in the break-room and people are engaging me in a conversation about someone else. God is sensitizing my heart.
"but speak their own,"
I am so aware right now of God moving. He's breaking my heart for what breaks His, but I am by no means a perfect person. And I never will be. But I can strive to make my heart like His. I can strive to fall in love with this Abba Father that I have no words for. I can stand so captivated in His presence. That even in the moments I fail, He speaks.
He continues to speak to me in the silence of His written word, 
"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, 
so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
in the moments He whispers to correct my mind and heart. 
"The LORD works righteousness
   and justice for all the oppressed.
He speaks loudly at times to be heard over all my white noise.
"Yes, I am God.
   I've always been God
   and I always will be God.
No one can take anything from me.
   I make; who can unmake it?" 

"whether they be understood or not."   ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


"When our families are at home,"
Reading: Re-reading "Learning" by Karen Kingsbury
Watching: Smallville (Oh the teenage memories of a superhero!)
Listening:"The Best Day" by Taylor Swift

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today
"we have to think of all their good points..."
 Sorry for the delay friends. I have been in the company of my family for the past four days. And a majority of today was spent cleaning up the aftermath of both them and my accident.
Being with my family wasn't exactly hard on my media fast, but it was definitely hard on my spirit. I love them from a distance but it's difficult to have six people in a two-bedroom house. It's also difficult typing left handed. Being surrounded by my family every waking hour is not something I am used to. And this quote was so fitting at moments. It didn't help that my lovely "flesh wound" from the accident has turned in to a royal pain, due to the nerve I disrupted. I'm disheartened to say my earthly flesh definitely won out quite a few times over the four-day weekend with my family. Between my family and my injury, I had so many moments to stand up, but I failed. Which is why I am so thankful "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair". Because despite my short comings, God is still intervening in the moments I fail. I definitely feel him moving. I definitely trust Him in providing for the things I need. And I'm turning everything I have over. "For the moments I feel faint". But I pray for all of you, that we will persevere. I pray we use wisdom. I pray that we stop, in all of this world's white noise, to hear the answers we're so desperate longing for. That we get out of our own way, so that God can do things His way. Because I know what life looks like when I do it all on my own.
"...or it would be impossible to endure them." ~George Bernard Shaw

Sunday, November 6, 2011


"Man is born broken."
Reading: Re-reading "Learning" by Karen Kingsbury
Watching:  The Last Holiday
Listening:"Healer" by Kari Jobe
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

"He lives by mending."
Not a whole lot to say. Still healing. Still recovering. Still searching God's heart out. Still learning that I am always going to be mended. Whether it be physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I'm learning every day to celebrate the victories and to overcome the losses. I am so thankful that God doesn't look away from me. That He watches over me. Even when I'm broken and tattered and not necessarily at my best. His plans are still what's best for me. And I am so thankful. God mend me in my brokenness, but remind me I am in constant need of repair.
"The grace of God is glue."~ Eugene O'Neill

Friday, November 4, 2011


"We don't see things..."
Reading: "Praying God's Word: Day by Day" by Beth Moore
Watching: Flashbacks
Listening:"You're Not Alone" by Rick Pino

You're not alone
You're not alone
He knows all your pain
He knows all your pain

I pray his peace, his peace over you
His love washing over you
It's a good medicine
It's a good medicine
Your love, your love is a good medicine 
" they are,"
I had all the intentions in the world of daily documenting this journey I'm taking with The Daddy, and then yesterday happened. It all seems oddly humorous now as I "watch" my day unfold. You see the reason I didn't write yesterday because I rolled out of bed and had already been called into work so I was going to write when I got home... and then I got hit by a car as somebody was taking me home.
"we see them..."
I'm not seriously injured. I banged up my right are pretty bad but the x-rays are all clear, just some muscle/tissue bruising. But as I look throughout my day, I find myself so thankful. Ironic I know. Thankful for the day I got in a car accident. But I'm thankful that something in my spirit told be even though I was in a hurry that morning to give God the first part of my day. Thankful that I was able to work yesterday. Thankful that in the quiet moments throughout my day I kept talking to Him because I felt I hadn't given Him my all that morning, even though I knew I was giving Him my first. Thankful that I was thinking about all my blessings when I turned to see those headlights coming at my side of the car. A thousand times thankful. Thankful that in the midst of firefighters, a frantic driver, and rushing to find my cell phone to call my mom that a calm came over me. I stopped in that moment, took in everything around me, and stopped to thank Jesus that we were all going to be okay. There was no blood, no broken bones, the driver of the other vehicle was fine, my driver and I will be okay, just some bumps and bruises. I'm thankful that God stands on the side of justice, and that everyone had the same account. I'm thankful for the lawyer's office who allowed me to come in from the rain while I waited for the officer to be done with the paper work. And the hospital staff who was so kind and patient. This morning I'm just reminded that God is my peace in the storm. That He is a good God, who covers His children. And that no matter what may try to come against me that it has already been overcome.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
"as we are."~ Anais Nin
 I am thankful but let me tell you there will be NO workouts today!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


"To speak and to speak..."
Reading: PrayFit Daily
Watching:Pictures of things that matter
Listening:"Lifesong" by Casting Crowns
May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign Your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You
"...well are two things."
 I had an interesting response this morning when I woke up and thought to jump on Facebook and see what the world had to say while I slept, and then quickly realized I had deleted it. But then I curled up with my devotional and Bible (both also known as my laptop these days (can we say I need to disconnect?) ) and quickly found the things said in them so much more worthy of my time than anything a human being could say.

"A fool may talk,"
 I am realizing more and more, even as I write this, that my words are nothing if they don't reflect the Source of Light.
We have been called for such a great purpose.
"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 
and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."
Everyday I communicate with my whole being. Do I look like what I stand for?
"Friends, you and I represent the Reason for our call; 
in how we speak, work, live...and move…
Say something."
Everyday I say something, I represent someone.
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, 
and with it we curse human beings, 
who have been made in God’s likeness."
Even if my tongue seems to represent two Masters, one will stand out more.
"You can't worship two gods at once. 
Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. 
Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other."
At the end of the day, whether I have said a thousand words or been completely silent, I represent someone, I reflect someone. My speech, my attitude, my body language all speak volumes on their own. When the sun goes down and I'm crawling into bed, the people I have come in contact with have seen someone... Is it me or is it Christ in me? Do they see the foolish or the wise? Because...
"A fool may talk, but the wise speaks."
Day 2
"but a wise man speaks." ~Ben Jonson

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


"For light I go directly..."

Reading: PrayFit Daily
Watching:The iTunes visualizer
You won't relent until You, have it all My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You, have it all My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart As a seal upon my arm 
For there is love that is as strong as death Jealousy demanding as the grave  
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me Come be the flame upon my heart  
Come be the fire inside of me Until You and I are One

I don't want to talk about You Like You're not in the room 
I want to look right at You I want to sing right to You
" the Source of Light,"
 This is day one of a new pattern, this is also day one of a sort of media fast/measurement. I temporarily deleted my facebook last night. Maybe permanently. And let me just tell you this morning has been filled with intimate conversations with by Abba Daddy. I've read the word and worshiped with nothing else around me but the sound of professional worshipers in my ears. I haven't even turned on my television this morning. But I've prayed. I've prayed for broken and aching hearts. And unborn children. I've prayed for stability. For wanderers looking for a home. I've prayed for women to find confidence in who they are. And for people to understand mistakes do not equal failures or the end... but only the beginning. I've prayed for a hope and a future.

All of it for you my friends. And yet at the same time for the world.
I'm being renewed mind, body, and spirit.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
I'm daring to go deeper, search harder, be more.
"Deep calls to deep
   in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
   have swept over me.
  By day the LORD directs his love,
   at night his song is with me—
   a prayer to the God of my life."

Do you dare go with me?
"Though none go with me, I still will follow"
30 days... 30 days to give God everything. 30 days to get off the social websites in which I waste hours. 30 days to stop filling free time with endless void. 30 days to remember the body as a temple. To exercise. To eat well. To live. To love others more. To invest in a life. To invest in myself. To invest in a relationship that spans beyond eternity. 30 days to make a full-on lifetime commitment. only takes 28 to form a habit
"...not to any of the reflections." ~Peaceful Pilgrim
 Now for that part about remembering my body is a temple!