Monday, May 28, 2012

Moderate

Hey everyone. It was brought to my attention that readers are having difficulty commenting on my blog posts. Since then I have updated the settings so any non-blogspot members will be able to post anonymously. However I ask that you do post your name in the comment. And it will not be immediately seen, due to the fact that I am moderating comments since it is open to anyone. I apologize if I have prohibited you in the past, and hope this will open communication on my blog; while still protecting you all and myself from negative content and spam.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Matrimony


"She soaked in the light, turned a new corner,"
Currently:
Reading: "I Am Her" by M.H. Clark
Watching: The Descendants

 So with this ring,
May you always know one thing:
What little that I have to give,
I will give it all to you.

You're my one true love.
"and stepped off the sidewalk into bloom."
The past few days have felt endless and yet they seemed to have just slipped away. Yesterday I woke up and spent the morning with my best friend, and the lovely people that surround her, and by the end of the day she had a new last name.
It was one of those days that I will hold in my heart forever…
I always thought when this day would come I would be full of tears. But I wasn’t. I did well up a bit. I remember about halfway through the ceremony I heard something tell me not to blink, because I didn’t want to miss a minute of it. And all day that resounded through my head… Don’t blink because you will never have this day again! I’ll savor the precious moments of sitting on a bed while I ran my fingers through her hair. Laughing at her standing in a towel trying to text to get things done. Sharing stories from our childhood while she got her hair and makeup done. Filing in the car with her dress strewn across my lap as my ever-independent friend drove herself to the wedding. Shielding her from the groom as she made a dash inside to get ready. Having a moment all to myself with her as she was getting ready and praying over the woman that she has become, the marriage she will have. Getting a knock on the door, during said prayer, because the reception area was being crushed by the wind. Pinning boutonni√®res on the groomsmen. Holding the train on her dress. Watching her cry as the whole bridal party surrounded them in prayer; while she clung to her soon to be husband. Turning to her one last time as we prepared to walk out, exclaiming that she was about to get married. Her calm and reassured smile as she said, “Yeah, I am”. Holding the arm of my groomsman as I walked toward a smiling Groom; thinking man I glad I have this arm to hold because he asked me not to cry while walking down the aisle. I remember quickly turning my head to watch the Groom’s face as she approached the end of the aisle; and his smile couldn’t have been any bigger as she walked down the aisle crying.  The communion where they leaned in to each other as he prayed over them. The way her voice wavered in her vows. The kiss that didn’t seem to be stop. And the rest is a blur of conversations while she took picture after picture… until the last few moments; when I wrapped my arms around my best friend and said goodbye for the last time in a long while.
"The branches above her, the shadows at her feet,"
I woke up yesterday and spent my morning with the little girl I grew up with. And then yesterday unfolded like a newly bloomed flower. When I finally said my goodbyes I realized that it was so hard to see her in the beautiful woman that was standing before me. But I still saw, still knew her, still found her… in the depths of my heart that had captured years of memories with her and every moment I saw her through out the day; because I didn’t blink, I didn’t want to miss a minute of it.
"heard her song, and gave it room."

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's May

"If you have a mom,"
Currently:
Reading: I got nothing, waiting for my latest book to come in.
Listening: "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift
 
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine
 
And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today
"there is nowhere you are likely to go"
 When I was a little girl, there was nothing in the world I thought I'd rather be that a mother. I wanted a family that fulfilled Abraham's promise. A lot of things changed in that plan of mine, but that stayed the same the longest. Until one day it didn't.
I think the reason it was the thing that stayed with me the longest, is because I have such a great mom. Is she perfect? Not by any means. But this amazing woman, who I share my genes with, has, in my lifetime thus far, been called some variation of mom by at least two hundred people. And no that is not an exaggeration, but a truly accurate number. If it varies in anyway, I would say that it is under done. It started when I was a child, way before I understood its beauty. And now it is unfathomable to me how I was ever unsure about it.
I don't know if I will ever have children of my own, but I know that is the type of mom I want to be.
"where a prayer has not already been." ~Robert Brault

Sunday, May 6, 2012

My 'mates

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make"
Currently:
Watching: Army Wives
Listening: "Thank You For Being A Friend" by Andrew Gold sung by Cynthia Fee

Thank you for being a friend
Travel down a road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant
 
"is that they can grow separately,"
 I finished the sisterhood in a day and a half. It was unexpected, well written, and saddening. It got my warmed and ached my heart in a weird way. Four very different girls, all brought together by one common bond. It so often makes me think of the women I call my best friends. They are all so different, but they all love me and make me me. At times it's hard to communicate, sometimes it's hard to plan, sometimes it's hard not to be overbearing. But the thing I've learned is that when you take enough time to listen, you know how to communicate.
I would love to elaborate, but I am fading fast and have work in the morning.
"without growing apart." ~Elisabeth Foley

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

My Machine

"The body is..."
Currently:
Reading: Would love to buy "Twist It Up" by Chef Jack Witherspoon  
If you haven't heard about this check him out on the link. He's twelve and changing his world!
 
It's your life
What you gonna do?
The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who
Your heart beats for
It's an open door
It's your life

"a machine which..."
So as promised, I'm checking off another of the aforementioned blogs. And in case the title wasn't hint enough...

Over the past few years I've discovered that my body is a very fickle thing! It always warns me when it's had enough, lacking some important things, and not giving it what it really wants. So it came as no surprise to me when my body started speaking to me loud and clear that the machine was breaking down!
As I think I've said enough lately, I had been feeling like I was in a funk lately. This included my physical body. I had an ear infection a couple of months ago and I lost my motivation to workout. And I had gotten lazy about finding places that offered healthy vegetarian food, so I've been eating white meat and seafood. And I haven't felt this yucky in a few years. So junk food is getting thrown out, the workouts are getting back on schedule, and I am going to be me again- in the best possible way!!!  I worked out twice today!
Heads up: If you are a male, I love that you are reading my blog; however you might want to stop here on this one!
 But I did have a scary moment this week that really made me realize how much my body is a machine. I almost wound up in the ER Sunday morning! It was funny how quickly I deteriorated actually. I went to work Sunday morning and within an hour I started my cycle; an hour after that I was going home and almost the emergency room. I have rarely been that frightened in my life. I was cramping, burning up, light headed, dizzy, nauseous, and actually ended up vomiting once I got home. It was awful. My coworkers were asking me if I wanted an ambulance to come check me out because I was pale and only semi-responsive. When I went to the urgent care center, I was told that the reason my body acted like that was because I was in so much pain from cramping that my body went into overdrive, trying to fend off the pain. MISERABLE doesn't begin to cover it, and I am thankful they have given me something to combat this should it ever get this bad again. I will not die because of a menstrual cycle!!! What an embarrassing way to go. So I am going to go take of my machine... by showering and relaxing before I lose some teeth tomorrow to the dentist!
"winds it's own springs." ~Julien Offroy de la Mettrie, L'Homme Machine

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Atlanta Mayhem

"Too often travel,"
Currently:
Reading: Study Guides
Watching: NCIS "Playing With Fire"

I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the desert's bare, man.
I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Of travel I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere.

"instead of broadening the mind,"

So last weekend I went to Atlanta. I was planning on coming straight home to share all about my trip, but after a delayed departure and the unsettling news that my sister got married without any notice. So with no further ado, my trip to Atlanta...
It's funny how this trip turned out. As you read in "Ample",  my trip to Atlanta was somewhat spur of the moment. In fact even though I posted on a Thursday I was going, I still wasn't sure what I was doing until I got into my car Saturday morning with all my stuff surrounding me. Laptop on the passenger seat, GPS plugged in, and some trail mix and water within arms length, my purse on the passenger floorboard.
I literally had to calm myself down several times, on my journey. Well, more accurately, God was calming me. I prayed several times that God would give me direction and peace, since my mom didn't exactly give me her blessing. It was my first time driving more than an hour by myself. I am happy to report, I only made one stop and didn't get lost until I got into the city, and I really wasn't that far off. But truthfully while the journey there was uneventful it gave me plenty of time to think. And then the real story began.
In case you've never been in downtown Atlanta... there is no parking... ANYWHERE. I actually got stuck in a parking lot by three cars coming in different directions around me. They finally moved and let me out to find a legal parking space. It left me in quite the frenzy. And then I went in to a worship practice where they were playing big band. Do you know what it feels like to go from traffic buzz to big band music two feet away? OVERLOAD! When we left I was anxious for what was coming next.
I guess until now I've been rambling. But the truth is this trip had a thousand expectations, but no follow through. Because it's hard to meet expectations when you have no idea what you are looking for. Especially when you, as a type A, plan a spontaneous trip.
But I will say I enjoyed looking at my world in an alternate universe. I settled in with my family, who has asked me to live there. It's weird being a part of something, but not. I sat back for a while observing. And then was attacked by two very rambunctious toddlers, who thought I was there personal jungle gum! It was quite the distraction and made me feel rather loved. Several hours later they were ready for bed and God was working on my heart. The plans God has our higher than ours. I thought I would go there are pour my heart out and get a lot of answers. But I asked the questions and instead of answers from my mentors, God put them inside me. I went to church in the morning. Made some new friends. I had a hard time leaving, a hard time staying. I struggled... with God, with myself, the people around me.
I'm doing a horrible job articulating this trip but I will say at this. By the time I left, I didn't have the answers I wanted, but I had what I needed for the time being. And still wasn't satisfied. But maybe that's the part that we should understand, we should never be satisfied; never stop growing, searching, wanting more.

"merely lengthens the conversation." ~Elizabeth Drew