Sunday, July 31, 2011


"There is nothing in the world,"
Reading: Absolutely nothing again.... But I am getting "Crazy Love" by Hawk Nelson to read with "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan
Watching: In Plain Sight (Loving the witty sarcasm)
Listening:"You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe
You fill me. You see me. You know my every move
and You love for me to sing to You.
I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses

I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

 In case you haven't figured out my love of vocabulary by now, I think today's title has made it rather obvious. Caesura. It means a natural breathing space in a line of verse. The breathing space I'm taking right now.

This week has been a tad bit unconventional in that I worked only half of what I normally do and I went to the doctor. The doctor had some interesting things to say, and we still don't have solid answers just yet. However the majorly unpleasant portion was I can't take ANYTHING for my pain until my test results come back. I've also been trying to finalize the last few things I needed before my long awaited trip.
With all these different thoughts running through my head, I simply had to remind myself to take that deep breath, that break in the line of a verse. Because my God is for me. And I trust in Him.
So please excuse me as I take in my fresh air, and put it all on pause.
" much like prayer as music is."  ~William P. Merrill

Sunday, July 24, 2011


 "We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have,"
Reading: Absolutely nothing.... However I really want to start "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan
Watching: Project Runway Season 7 (love the mad crazy creativity!)
Listening: "Brighter Day" Kirk Franklin

 I never knew I could be so happy
And I never knew I'd be so secure
Because of your love, life has brand new meaning
It's gonna be a brighter day, brighter day

My post last week was super short due to the fact that I worked 15 hrs and then got home and was passed around skype with 5 girls after I got home. The paragraph was all I could get out of my exhaustion. But today I had a nap and am ready to write.
While I was away at school one of the things I learned to love was asking each other what the Lord was teaching us. We all go through different things at different times and in different ways. I always found in those moments that there was so much wisdom. That we could all take something out of what everyone was learning.
So when I had the opportunity the other day to ask a dear friend and mentor what she had been learning and she too had been learning about being grateful it overwhelmed by heart that we could share in that. I truly believe a grateful heart is the beginning of joy. The Bible definitely says godliness with contentment is great gain. 
We live in a world where nothing is ever enough, and there is always something to complain about. The more we are surrounded by it the easier it is for God-lovers to fall into this trap of thinking complaining is the norm. But we forget the part of the verse in Philippians where it says "with thanksgiving in your heart, present your requests to God". I certainly have been found guilty before of finding all the problems. However God has been reminding that there is always some good in the bad. I am so blessed. And I have found joy in his providing for me.
So what are you thankful for?
In other news, please pray with me as I will be going to the doctor this week to hopefully get a diagnosis for all the health problems I've been having.
"...but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."  ~Frederick Keonig

Sunday, July 17, 2011


"No matter where you go or what you do,"
This week has been a lot about considering for me. Considering my friends, my finances, my future. Even the foods I put in to my body. If you know my heart, you know the truth is that I am a planner. And these past few years of uncertainty have been a real stretch, but also a testing of my faith.
But God knows my nexts, and I am content within that. Because Lord, I trust in you.
"... you live your entire life within the confines of your head.  ~Terry Josephson"

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Confessing Confusion

"Confusion is a word we have invented,"
Reading: Learning by Karen Kingsbury (Technically I had just started this last week, and finished "Departures" by Robin Jones Gunn
Watching: A Hallmark Movie called "The Wedding Dress"(not my favorite thing I've watched this week)
Listening: "Everything You Do" Cory Asbury

Everything You do just screams “I love you”
Everything You are says, “I care"

Can you hear the silent screams? Not screams of angst or anger, but of confusion and questioning. The screams of wonder. The screams that prove there is still fight in this girl. The screams that prove that I am alive and well...
This week the Lord has restored my joy. Not happiness, but true unaltered joy. Because the difference between happiness and joy is that happiness fades with the coming of other emotions, while joy is able to withstand while other emotions flood in. And trust me, other emotions have flooded in. Anger at people accusing me of depression when I haven't been happier in years. Frustration with my constantly changing job, and people's inconsideration in doing so. Excitement in the preparation. Nervousness for uncharted territory. The floodgates of emotion rumbling in.
But here I stand, arms thrown open in faith. I have no idea in this moment what is going on in my heart. I've had this feeling of being out of body for several days. However I stand here in pure faith and joy in the knowing that my life is in His hands. No matter how small I feel in this moment, I choose to pursue Him and His joy; this peace that has washed over me. In the midst of my confusion I trust in you God.

My heart is crying out on every level, for everything you are. Because your love screams to me. I don't mind that I feel small in your arms.
Cause everything I am just screams I love you, 
and everything I am says you care...
"...for an order which is not understood." - Henry Miller

Sunday, July 3, 2011


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free,"
    Reading: "Learning" by Karen Kingsbury
    Watching: Marley & Me
    Listening: "Not Guilty Anymore" Aaron Keyes

You are spotless
You are holy
You are faultless
You are whole
You are righteous
You are blameless
You are pardoned
You are mine

Okay, so you know that feeling you get after a really long day; the one that is an expression of tiredness, but full of accomplishment- a work well done? I have walking around with that feeling all week. That feeling of knowing I have survived; and I have, I have survived. I have survived all the physical pain I've been going through. I've survived all the changes at work. However, more importantly I survived the complete and total breakdown I had back in January, and am healing more and more everyday. Because I am a fighter, only by the grace of God's love and ever so perfect timing.Slowly but surely I feel like God has been fulfilling the verse in my life that says He makes the crooked places straight. 

I had planned to go through all the stuff I had shoved in the back of my closet when I first came home. I had been preparing myself for that moment all week,  because I knew it was going to cause a few shed tears. But before I could even get to that this weekend I knew I had a few errands and chores to get done. So I started on them as soon as I got home on Friday, and kept getting interrupted. No sooner did I get up to start and I happened to look down at my phone. It was the one person I had been avoiding since I left more than anyone, because I knew it hurt so badly. So I answered anyway. It was hard, it was awkward, it was uncomfortable. But it was necessary. At one point I just decided all the tiptoeing I was doing wasn't doing anyone any good; so I told the truth. I didn't leave offended, but offense had tried to find me when I left. And that was the hardest thing. I think the thing we forget as Christians is that forgiveness can communicate more than silence. Because when I ask forgiveness for offense, it allows someone else to truly know my heart and Jesus to shine in that place I had chosen not to name. The minute it came in to the light, I felt the love that person had for me come radiating through.
That conversation opened the door for a lot of healing. I spoke the truth out loud. I was hurt, I was offended, but I was trying to heal. And peace came in like a flood gate when I loved again, even in the midst of fighting temptation. I wrote to a lot of people and allowed them to hear my heart, and they received it broken and all.

John Bevere wrote a series called "The Bait of Satan". You know what the bait was? Offense. You know why we fall for it? Because we allow seeds to take root, because we aren't aware of our hearts.
If your reading this, join with me in tuning back in. In hearing that still voice calling to you, letting you know there are boxes in the way of your peace.

Love holds no record of wrongs...
"...and discover that the prisoner was you."  ~Lewis B. Smedes