Saturday, June 22, 2013


"Time is what keeps"
Reading: "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Watching: Rizzoli & Isles

Listening: "Walk on the Water" by Britt Nicole

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes in you
You can walk on the water too

"things from happening"
It has literally taken me days to write this post. I had one day off this week and I spent a majority of the day babysitting. So between covering shifts at work and my moms birthday, I have been tapped out and not much time to sit down and write. So forgive me if this seems a bit scattered. I'm trying my best here.

I had my wisdom teeth taken out a couple months ago and had to be on pain killers. Then my doctor put me on some medication that I had to take for several weeks. The symptoms were so awful I just wanted to curl up in a ball. I actually had to ask him to take me off of it because I was having such miserable side effects. Then immediately after I got off the medicine and got it out of my system I hit the road for Atlanta.
I know this may all seem random, but they really do connect. You see when I was on my medication I had to stop working out. I didn't feel safe going to the gym by myself when the treadmill was in front of a brick wall. And home workouts were out of the question due to my lack of energy.

Unfortunately, it has become a lot harder to get back into my precious workouts then it was to stop. I miss that time where I knew that my body was working and how to listen to it. I spent a lot of that time clearing my head and talking to God. My first few workouts since have been hard. I have had to cut them shorter than normal and my body is not responding in the way it normally would. I miss it all.
I am working hard to get back into shape. Into training my body to respond in the way it used to when the rubber met the road weekly. I want to be healthy again. I want to be fit. I want to get back into my habit of healthy living. I want discipline!
July is going to be a crazy month here on the blog as I try a few new challenges. I am looking to start the Whole30 program. In addition I am going to start the Couch to 5k program and a 30 Day Ab Challenge. And I want to do some sort of photo challenge as well. Wow totally just got side tracked by challenges I found on Google. There might be more to this list my the time I am done... Needless to say July is being labeled CHALLENGE MONTH!
Do you know that it takes twenty-one to twenty-eight days to form a habit. That is three weeks to a month to form a simple habit. However if you miss one day in that time frame you have to start all over...
habit |ˈhabit|
1 a settled or regular tendency or practice, esp. one that is hard to give up : this can develop into a bad habit | we stayed together out of habit.
• informal an addictive practice, esp. one of taking drugs : a cocaine habit.
"all at once." ~Graffiti

Thursday, June 6, 2013


"Today is the"
Reading: "The Westing Game
" by Ellen Raskin
This was a book I read as a child that I am now re-reading as an adult. I linked these back to Scholastic Books because they were the a main resource for my love of books as a child.

 Watching: Graceland
This is the brand new pilot introduced by USA on my birthday! I love it already.

Listening: "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri
I am not a twi-hard. I just love the words to this song. Just close your eyes and listen.

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

"tomorrow we worried"
Twenty-four is here. It's now. Eleven months ago my world unraveled. Nine and a half months ago I wasn't sure if I would ever wake up again. The minutes have become hours, the hours into days. And the days into weeks, and months, and now almost a year.
I have peace. I have hope. I have dreams. Things most people thought would shatter in the wake of all I've fought through. I have allowed myself to want again.  I don't know what that means. I don't know where it all will take me. But I want...
I want to be brave.
I want to feel strong.
I want to be healthy. (It's the new thin! In case you haven't heard before)
I want to be fashionable.
I want to be financially responsible.
I want to be generous.
I want to be pretty. I want to be jolie.
I want it to radiate from me, in a way that beauty can only come from the heart. I want to be a gentle missionary of grace. The proverbs thirty-one woman, not having to be the thirty-one wife.

I asked my mom about our twenty-four years together. I asked her about our highs and lows. At first she spouted off silly things. Things about a certain boy I shouldn't have dated. But then she realized that was not what I was searching for. She then began to tell me how much it hurt that I lied about not eating. Or that I really did lie about dating that boy. She told me how she loved my servants heart. That she loved how I was always willing to fight for the underdog. Loved that I was generous. I will hold those words in my heart until the day I die. I want to be the person my mom sees me as. Because she see's the best of who I am even in my worst moments.

At twenty-three i thought it was the end.  I laugh as I realize, it was only a new beginning.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

"Twenty-Four" by Switchfoot

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

My ever so wonderful birthday "cake"
"about yesterday." ~Anonymous

Wednesday, June 5, 2013


"She gets goosebumps from tiny, perfect things. Seeing the stars. Fruit trees in bloom."
"Canary Island Song" by Robin Jones Gunn

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Watching: How I Met Your Mother

Listening: "Fix You" by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
"The scent of dinner from a neighbor's house, a phone call at the right time, a bar of exotic choicolate."

"She keeps a list in her wallet of the gorgeous parts of everyday: maple leaves, new perfume, slow-cooked tomato sauce."

Today closes out my twenty-third year. Life is still not what I thought it was going to be when I started this blog two years ago. This YEAR has not been what I thought it was going to be. But I have survived. I have fought. I am here. NO ONE can take that away from me. My scars are proof. They will never leave. I can still feel them as if they are brand new some days and others I have to search them out.

I have gained twenty pounds since my surgery. I still haven't gotten back in to my full work out routine. I miss my photography. My diet has been less than stellar. My hair is a mess. And I'm STILL not in school. That's my summary of what I haven't/am not.
What I am is alive. I am tumor free. I am a fighter. I am learning. I am stronger. I am more confident. I am at peace, or at least as close to peace as I've been in a while.
I am a traveler, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. A dispatcher, counselor, teacher, helper, encourager. I love to cook and organize and take pictures. 
I was, am, and will be.

Good bye twenty-three... Tomorrow is a new day, a new design, a new plan.

"She adds to it all the time. She is rich with wonder."
 I am her