Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Harried But For Hope...

"They (our forefathers) fatigued only their muscles,"
Reading:"Why People Get Sick: The Mind-Body Connection" by Darian Leader & David Corfield
Watching: Numb3rs reruns (He makes me feel less like a dork)
Listening: "More Than Useless" Relient K
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I was walking to work this morning, and I realized in my
                                         and hurting
                                               that I forgot my post on Sunday.
Not that I am sure anyone noticed. But I was doing so well at keeping up, and unfortunately due to some rather intense and, lately, very chronic pain I kept putting it off and then forgetting it was Sunday.

I have failed to mention in previous posts that I have a condition in which I struggle with extreme fatigue and muscle weakness very often, and unfortunately as of late memory lapse and lost train of thought. Couple that with me working full time, some times six days a week. As well as trying to get everything settled for school in the fall. And planning the one and only vacation I take all year. I have been, well... harried. I don't know why but that word seems to be a new favorite.
So yesterday when I got to work and nothing went as planned, I have to say I was in quite the foul mood. I worked three different positions in one day, I was scheduled to work six hours and by the time six was over I was going to have to stay for sixteen. I forgot to take any sort of pain medicine, and then had to help move several heavy boxes because of inopportune times. And was not able to take a break after being on feet because there was no one there able to fill my position. Before I go back to that horrid mood, and get labeled a whiner, I think you get the picture.

But then my mom came to have lunch with me and she said something that opened my eyes. She said "Look kid, you made these decisions, and you can't change how anything has happened today, but if you put in your mind that you are going to continue to have a bad day, you will. It is all in your attitude."

And that really got me thinking, not only about what she said, but the affect that my attitude was having on my coworkers. So I went back determined that I was going to choose to be a light in the darkness of my tunnel. And I can't tell you how smoothly everything went because of it. So much so that during the shift change my coworkers went from asking what my problem was to why the heck was I in such a good mood.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Remember the Titans when Julius looks at Gary and says, "Attitude reflects leadership, Cap'ain" and I saw the relevance of it yesterday. But what's more important is that as leadership, my attitude reflects my leadership.

My frenzied life is about to calm down, whether it wants to or not. I have lost the deep longing for my creator, in the mess of life. And how can my attitude reflect his when I don't stand in His presence. I want to know... truly know he heart again.

"...we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves." ~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Monday, June 20, 2011

Health-ful HInts- Take 2: How Come and How Much?

"To eat is a necessity,"
Last nights post was written in approximately 2 minutes while I was quite literally falling asleep at the computer. Which is where the idea for the 2 minute post started...

As mentioned in my profile. I am a vegetarian. I have been for about a year. I am really loose in my interpretation... it's not the end of the world if I find out after I order something seemingly vegetarian and it ends of having meat in it, but I will ask for something else.
But here is the thing meat is a MAJOR source of PROTEIN...
                                and protein is something our bodies need!!!!!!!!!!!
Protein helps keep our hair, nails, and skin healthy; as well as helps our bodies heal from injuries. Plus the reason that led to this post- it helps give you energy and stamina!!!! Which is why my lack of protein this week caused a major crash last night when I had been going,going, going without putting in the necessary fuel.
According to the ever-trusty food pyramid we need 2-3 servings of protein a day. But how much is a serving?
According to whatscookingamerica.net the following items count as one serving:

2-3 ounces of cooked lean meat, poultry, or fish
These count as 1 ounce of meat:
½ cup of cooked dry beans (lima, kidney, black. split beans, lentils) or tofu
2 ½ ounce soy burger
1 egg
2 tablespoons of peanut butter
1/3 cup of nuts
So there you have it. Go find a yummy protein filled snack like this!
 (Nuetella and Strawberries on French bread)
In case you didn't know Nuetella has hazelnuts in it! Score!!!!!
"...but to eat intelligently is an art." -La Rouchfoucauld

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Health-ful Hints

So after my seventh day straight of working, and at a different time of day for the past two. This post will be short and not about sweets.
When living a vegetarian lifestyle it very important to not eat on impulse, but to careful track the types of foods you are eating. I can always tell when I haven't eaten the appropriate foods because my body speaks volumes.
As a vegetarian, just because you give up meat does not mean you can give up protein!!!! Otherwise you end up like me crashing with no thought process whatsoever to even right the promised Sunday blog. For now I hope this will tide you over until I get some serious rest!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

How Do I Love Thee... let me sense it

"We do not remember days,"
So this is a bonus post! I've tried to have a daily blog before and have epically failed at them. So I determined with this blog I would aim for once a week, on Sundays. There will be an occasional post like this, my "bonus post" in between but if you want to follow along you can look for me on Sunday afternoons. So on with the post...

In case you didn't know, I have a semi-photographic memory. But those memories are even more vivid in my senses. Yes senses. You know, sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch. Being so far away from my most favorite people, those sense memories are what keeps me going on the rough days and gives me the fuel to go farther.
That's why everytime I see frog, I think about what excuse I have to give it to my dear friend. Or a grandma sweater and red lipstick. Or see a picture of an eye. Or see the word love written on someones arm. Or a quiet park ready for a chat.
When the scent of Asian food hits my nose, or a spring rain, or the beach, or even minty breath up close.
When I hear that song, a different song for everyone, a laugh, a crack of lightning or thunder. It's like I can hear them next to me, hear the rhythm of the breathing. Because we're that close that I would know them in the silence.
Speaking of that Asian food, I would give up being a vegetarian for a day, to have some REAL Filipino food. Bourbon chicken and roasted potatoes. I remember who I was with the first time I had sushi. And I remember going to IHOP the first time 2 of my favorite people met together with me. Or an ice cream cone for two.
But what I remember most is my best friend holding me when I admitted to an eating disorder, or the hug in the hallway that last day of school when I second guessed my decision to leave, the one that held my hand just to get me through a moment. My very first kiss.
 I remember it all, and in those moments, it's like I'm transported in time; back to that very first memory, that very first moment with you.

I was speaking with a friend the other day and in the midst of conversation I was forced to pause, so overwhelmed by memories. "There's nothing like a hug from a friend, mom hugs are always great but there are moments when only a friend hug will do. I miss you." And there was built another memory in the brief sound of agreement in a hmm that was almost a sigh.
Because I remember all those moments. And I desperately long to make more of those moments. It's no wonder that the five love languages revolve around the senses.

"...we remember MOMENTS." -Cesare Pavese

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Hello World

"He was the strangest of strangers...
Reading: "The Last Summer (of You & Me)" by Ann Brashares
Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 16. (I don't know why it makes me feel confident)
Listening: "Hello World" Lady Antebellum
Well, hello world, how've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, little hole in the little girl
Well, hello world

This week has been very... 
                                                   ALL OF THE ABOVE.
My birthday wasn't all that special. . My work week constantly had something coming up. My body had another deteriorating week; with migraines, muscle weakness, and extreme fatigue. And my friendships were redefined.

But the amazing thing was through it all there was some self-defining

I've come to the conclusion that while at work, I can only do my best. If others have comments, let them have comments. At the end of the day as long as I get my job done to the best of my ability that all that matters. And I have and will continue to do so.

I pushed through my pain even when all I wanted to do was call in and stay in bed which is generally what I have to do when my body rebels like this. For anyone who is not aware of my physical situation, when I was seventeen I had some very serious health problems that kept me bed-ridden for several months. They never officially gave me a diagnosis, but there was some strong leaning towards me having a disease called fibromayalgia. It went away for a period of time, but over the past year if comes back with a vengeance every few months. Which to me was just a reminder that I am only as strong as I push myself to be, because I survived even if all I can do today is rest.

But I think the most important thing I learned was that love is a two way street. This week I struggled with offense towards friends, with the very people I considered family. And I finally made the decision that I don't really know these people. I always thought I gave myself to people who gave themselves back to me. Unfortunately I was proven wrong this week. I made the decision that I am worth so much, and I give so much that I deserved to be valued and pursued as much as I pursue others. I let people tear me down this past year, but I only want people surrounding me who will build me up.

I am strong, competent and valuable. And that is all that matters.
...in that he was the oldest of friends" -Ann Brashares

Monday, June 6, 2011

Here I Am...

My mom told me the other day that she worries about me, because I get so focused on the goal that I miss the journey....

So many people say as a twenty something that you haven't experienced life. I wish those people could see the life I've lived. From the moment I was born I have been fighting; struggling to breathe, struggling to live, struggling to be- to just be here and just be me. From being flat-lined at birth, being raised by a single mom, having an eating disorder, being abused, suffering undiagnosable illness, leaving the home I've know most of life to live where I knew no one. To living single and childless still.
Having 3 of the best friends a girl could ever know, going to camps every summer, being the star in almost every show, singing my heart out from the age of 4. Being a daughter, little sister, and an aunt ( my greatest joy and title). Going to a bible school where I got to go to 7 states I'd never been to before. Working at the U.S. Tennis Open and PGA Golf Championship. KNOWING CHRIST.
But the thing is if you had asked me 10 yrs ago, or 10 months ago, or 10 weeks ago, or maybe even 10 days ago if this is the life I thought I'd have, if this is the women I thought I'd be; I would have instantly said no. Because life is constantly changing around me, and the plans I laid out are not the plans that laid out before me.

Welcome to my twenty- second year. Today marks the beginning. This year I am enrolling in college full-time as I work full-time, and re-entering the world outside of the work place. I know that I have purpose and passion and hopefully you will see it unfold as I discover who I am and develop my love of helping people, healthy living, and hopeful perspective. 

So I sing out "Show me again who I am, Show me again who I am, Remind me". This is not to you who reads this blog but the one who created me. This is my open book to the person I am becoming, asking God to remind me of the girl I once was, and the women He has called me to be.

... but it's not that I miss the journey on the way, it's that I can't appreciate it until I look back and see where it has taken me, until I look and see how far I've truly come.