Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Harried But For Hope...

"They (our forefathers) fatigued only their muscles,"
Currently
Reading:"Why People Get Sick: The Mind-Body Connection" by Darian Leader & David Corfield
Watching: Numb3rs reruns (He makes me feel less like a dork)
Listening: "More Than Useless" Relient K
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I was walking to work this morning, and I realized in my
                              harried,
                                     hurried,
                                         and hurting
                                               that I forgot my post on Sunday.
Not that I am sure anyone noticed. But I was doing so well at keeping up, and unfortunately due to some rather intense and, lately, very chronic pain I kept putting it off and then forgetting it was Sunday.

I have failed to mention in previous posts that I have a condition in which I struggle with extreme fatigue and muscle weakness very often, and unfortunately as of late memory lapse and lost train of thought. Couple that with me working full time, some times six days a week. As well as trying to get everything settled for school in the fall. And planning the one and only vacation I take all year. I have been, well... harried. I don't know why but that word seems to be a new favorite.
So yesterday when I got to work and nothing went as planned, I have to say I was in quite the foul mood. I worked three different positions in one day, I was scheduled to work six hours and by the time six was over I was going to have to stay for sixteen. I forgot to take any sort of pain medicine, and then had to help move several heavy boxes because of inopportune times. And was not able to take a break after being on feet because there was no one there able to fill my position. Before I go back to that horrid mood, and get labeled a whiner, I think you get the picture.

But then my mom came to have lunch with me and she said something that opened my eyes. She said "Look kid, you made these decisions, and you can't change how anything has happened today, but if you put in your mind that you are going to continue to have a bad day, you will. It is all in your attitude."

And that really got me thinking, not only about what she said, but the affect that my attitude was having on my coworkers. So I went back determined that I was going to choose to be a light in the darkness of my tunnel. And I can't tell you how smoothly everything went because of it. So much so that during the shift change my coworkers went from asking what my problem was to why the heck was I in such a good mood.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Remember the Titans when Julius looks at Gary and says, "Attitude reflects leadership, Cap'ain" and I saw the relevance of it yesterday. But what's more important is that as leadership, my attitude reflects my leadership.

My frenzied life is about to calm down, whether it wants to or not. I have lost the deep longing for my creator, in the mess of life. And how can my attitude reflect his when I don't stand in His presence. I want to know... truly know he heart again.

"...we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves." ~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

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