Sunday, June 12, 2011

Hello World

"He was the strangest of strangers...
Currently 
Reading: "The Last Summer (of You & Me)" by Ann Brashares
Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 16. (I don't know why it makes me feel confident)
Listening: "Hello World" Lady Antebellum
Well, hello world, how've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, little hole in the little girl
Well, hello world
                                   

This week has been very... 
                  Tiresome. 
                         Exhausting.
                                   Draining. 
                                           Defining.
                                                   ALL OF THE ABOVE.
My birthday wasn't all that special. . My work week constantly had something coming up. My body had another deteriorating week; with migraines, muscle weakness, and extreme fatigue. And my friendships were redefined.

But the amazing thing was through it all there was some self-defining

I've come to the conclusion that while at work, I can only do my best. If others have comments, let them have comments. At the end of the day as long as I get my job done to the best of my ability that all that matters. And I have and will continue to do so.

I pushed through my pain even when all I wanted to do was call in and stay in bed which is generally what I have to do when my body rebels like this. For anyone who is not aware of my physical situation, when I was seventeen I had some very serious health problems that kept me bed-ridden for several months. They never officially gave me a diagnosis, but there was some strong leaning towards me having a disease called fibromayalgia. It went away for a period of time, but over the past year if comes back with a vengeance every few months. Which to me was just a reminder that I am only as strong as I push myself to be, because I survived even if all I can do today is rest.

But I think the most important thing I learned was that love is a two way street. This week I struggled with offense towards friends, with the very people I considered family. And I finally made the decision that I don't really know these people. I always thought I gave myself to people who gave themselves back to me. Unfortunately I was proven wrong this week. I made the decision that I am worth so much, and I give so much that I deserved to be valued and pursued as much as I pursue others. I let people tear me down this past year, but I only want people surrounding me who will build me up.

I am strong, competent and valuable. And that is all that matters.
...in that he was the oldest of friends" -Ann Brashares

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