Sunday, October 7, 2012

Optical Illusion

The Root of Rejection by Joyce Meyer
Giuliana & Bill
"I Have Found"  by Kim Walker

I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.
I have found a joy that jumps over sadness.
I have found a love that lights up every room.
I have found, I've found You!
Hmmmmm, I am still in awe of the fact that I had brain surgery a month and a half ago. It blows my mind. In some ways I am simply amazed at the fact at how little it affected me; a month and a half post op and I've been back to working full time for three weeks. At other times I am blown away by how its affected the little things in my life; I worked out for the first time Thursday evening and spent a majority of Friday in bed because I was having extreme dizziness. I do, however, find that my perspective on life has changed.


1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.
2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.
3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.
4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.
5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
I would have to say that over the past few months, I have gained a different perspective on myself. I definitely believe its from the Lord. It's challenged me to look at my life in a new way. I can honestly say that I have never been so thankful to be alive, but at the same time so sad not to be with Jesus. Not that I wanted to die, but when you spend so much time thinking over all the possibilities, I mean I would have been in heaven. My thoughts were directed toward heaven through the whole situation. I had such incredible peace. But it also reminds me I am here for a reason. It also got me thinking about what I was doing on earth. 
There is a saying that says something like "We all have to face God alone". Lately, I've been thinking though, have I done anything to bring anyone with me. I know I will face God alone, but what have I done to further His kingdom. I have been so heaven minded, but have I been present enough to help man be... Have I lived my life in a way that others desire Christ the way I do?
I've also found some unattractive qualities in myself. I am NEEDY. I know I like to take care of people, but I have found that in this time I want people to take care of me; by just being there, being a presence in my life. I also attach really easily. Which is odd for a person who struggles with feelings of abandonment. You would think that it would be hard for me, but the truth is sometimes people react the opposite way.
Truthfully, my mind has been jumping ahead twenty spaces. I guess realizing that I could have died at twenty-three years old has made me realize the gravity of life. I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I want to make the most of the time I have. But at the same time jumping ahead of myself isn't going to help anything or anyone.
Like always I am living in extremes, and I need to find that middle ground. Right now it's the middle ground of being present, but also heaven minded. I want to LIVE and live right.