Sunday, September 4, 2011


"Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone; "

Reading: Honestly I haven't had the time...
Watching: Necessary Roughness
Listening:"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just in case you haven't seen this amazing video; let me share the video, that made me smile from ear to ear while tears streaming down my face, with you!!!
I tried to post the physical video but it wouldn't allow me since its not on YouTube, but this is the amazing man that has been in our prayers over the past 2 weeks. Even in His drumming you can feel the Holy Spirit. And it was so good to see him play again.
Ever since I got back from my trip, I have been going, going, going. And with the news of Caleb's accident I consumed my time with finding information on what was going on with him and spending any free time I had interceding on him and Victoria's behalf. But now that life has settled down and the reports keep coming back marked in God's grace, I have found myself settling in to that old feeling I always get after a trip to my "hometown".
I always feel so small when I go home. Like people still see that awkward child, who was polite and sociable yet still wasn't sure where she fit in. I have always been the pursuer in relationships I have, always been the nurturer and the fixer. The counselor of all things wrong. Dependent yet independent in my own right. And I have appreciated that role... but sometimes it feels hollow.
Everyday I realize I am growing up. Everyday I realize I am so far from that little girl I was. Some days its a good thing, some days a bad thing. But with that it takes me further away from those people. But those same people have changed too; leaving me in the proverbial dust. I feel the ache in my heart. I feel the pull. And I'm not sure what direction I'm going. I'm hemming and hawing at the edge of each direction, praying that God would tell me how and where I am going.
In this season, I'm allowing people to pursue me. I'm allowing people to take care of me. To be there with me, along side me in my season. I'm looking to see who these people are, outside of childlike eyes. I know that some will read this and tell me I am being melodramatic... and those will be the ones to go. Because I have a right. I have a right to feel wanted and needed and loved. I know now more than ever that I have value and the same value I give others is the same value I deserve.

For everything there is a season
...and this is mine
"...but part, while you can part friends." ~William Hazlitt

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