Solo, Silence, and Satisfaction

"I nod to a passing stranger, and the stranger nods back,"

Reading: Man I need another book!!!! Still reading BGE but its hard for me to read it all at once.

Watching: Bears vs. Packers Game. Right now we're losing in the 1st quarter :-/

Listening:"Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot

 Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

 Also Listening: "We Have the Best Dad" by Rick Pino

Today has been one of those days where my mood is a mixture of sweet calm and bitter loneliness, like peaches and onions (another random reference).

One thing I have always known to be true, is that in the face of peace the enemy will try to come in like a thief in the night.  But he doesn't just come with the intention of stealing, he come's with the intention of beating you down until your peace has been completely robbed. And that's exactly what he tried to do to me this week. He came in unexpectedly, reminding me that I have no community around me here, and that my community as a whole seems to be growing smaller and smaller. The lion came roaring in my ear telling me I was fat again because I had gained some weight back. Then it was that I am a loser and that I will be stuck in my dead end job forever. That I'll never get my degree. Through out the entire week throughout everything I did I heard it.

However, there is yet another thing I have always known in some part of me to be true, the enemy is a LIAR. He's good at it too, because he takes pieces of truth and mixes them in to the lies. What he doesn't realize is that I know I was promised peace. And I will claim it as often as necessary. Because at the end of the day I can sit alone in the silence and know I am never alone. That I could have the whole world abandon me and I would survive. There are seasons for everyone in my life, and if some have gone... there are new seasons ahead. Those extra pounds don't matter at the end of the day, but they do serve as a reminder that I must treat my body as a temple. Joining the healthy bandwagon again! I may have an awful job right now, but this is where I was placed in this season. And God has a call on my life.

Sure this week may have been hard. But I've had harder. I've had family visit and my niece end up in the er, I've had panic attacks and eating disorders, I've had a fire in my apt and no smoke detector going off, an adoptive mom with stage 3? cancer and she survived, a friend got hit by a car and is still alive and well. And I'm sure there will be harder... but for now. I'm breathing. The world is alright. And I am satisfied in knowing at the end of the day I can surrender my sorrow and solicitude for stillness.

"Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes"

God, push all insecurity aside. Because no matter what rages on around me I am safe in your arms. Thank you for showing me who I am, and reminding me once again. Because I was made to love and be loved. To know you and make you known. To have shalom... wholeness or completeness in mind, body and spirit. I've learned a lot about myself over these four months... but there is so much more.

"...and two human beings go off, feeling a little less anonymous."  ~Robert Brault