Ample

"It is often hard to distinguish"

Currently:

Reading: Nothing really...

Watching:  Truthfully, I'm watching myself in the mirror; physically and metaphorically

Listening: "Clear the Stage" by Jimmy Needham

Take a break from all the plans that you have made 

And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper

Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak

And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life

Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open

Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard 

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken


'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song


"between the hard knocks in life"

For my one faithful reader out there, I'm sorry I never got back to my thoughts from Sunday. Unfortunately my ramblings today are going to be a series of rabbit trails that spurred from Sunday's. The funny thing is I'm not sure which to start with... so I guess this post is about to be very organic in whatever comes out, it's going down. Except for typos, I always go back and fix them even if it's been a month since I posted them. Guess that was trail one.
    So since my old friend left, I've been in a funk. I know you may be thinking I'm longing for my old boyfriend, but there is a reason he is my EX. It really is just about what his trip stood for that got me to this point. I'm at a stand still when everyone else is moving forward. No, I'm not going on a rant about the same old things. Because ranting gets me no where. But this time it's got my attention, this time ALL of my closest, oldest, dearest friends are on new horizon's. And I, it seems, am right at the edge of the horizon going the opposite direction, taking the long way around. If I were honest, I'd say I've been in this particular funk for a couple months now; but it took someone in my face for it to fully set in and allow me to see it. Well I see it now, and it's the big elephant in the room. I am amazed that I've managed to function the past few days.
    It amazes me how a funk can completely take over one's life. It's prohibited my workouts, slowed my eating habits, invaded my mind, and distracted my spirit. I am so out of whack!!! I've sat here for four days listening to today's song, letting it breath life in to my worship, allowing a whisper of hope in. I'm packing an overnight bag this weekend, to get some new perspective... a different city, old friends and mentors, a quiet drive with Jesus. Hopefully it will refresh every part of me. I need it so desperately.
    I've felt so alone in this funk. I constantly give myself to other people, whenever they need direction, a listening ear, just a voice saying I'm here. And it frustrates me, that a lot of times it's one sided. That people don't realize my silence until I finally break down and call after a month. Or they call/text because they need something from you. It sucks! Sometimes, I think my friends think I am a robot, and they only realize I'm not working when I haven't been there for all the details.

This, this blog, seems to be my listening board. My place to put it out there. Because sometimes all I feel is the silence of this desert place.

"and those of opportunity." ~Frederick Phillips