Destruction

Currently
Reading: "Angels in the Snow" by Melody Carlson
Hopefully over the next year you will see two books here, as I try to read one fiction and one non-fiction book
"Deep Unto Deep: The Journey of His Embrace" by Dana Candler
Watching: Getting ready to watch "Necessary Roughness"
Listening: "Lead Me To The Cross" by Seventh Day Slumber

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Oh lead me
Lead me to the cross

I have O.C.D.

Organize the

Chaos

Disorder

My life feels like piles of disarray, screaming for order! And I'm running around trying to pick up the mess. I feel like maybe this is just preparing me for the season around the corner. Because it's time. Time for my new season.

I've been going through this new phase... the neat and tidy phase. Which shouldn't be that surprising for a Type A personality like me. But I am and it is. Everything must move, everything must be scrubbed, everything must GO! It's like my sanity depends on it. And unfortunately I am going insane. There is not enough time in a day to get all that I want to do done. I am burnt out at work and I am just not sure how much longer this can go on!!!

I have a list of projects to get done. My kitchen has been ransacked. My bathroom is waiting to be deep cleaned and have stuff tossed out. And my bedroom has an entire wall that looks like a communications board with my three page goal list for the year, three calendars (one general calendar, one cleaning/organizing for the year, and one for my bible reading; this does not count the one in my nightstand for checking off my daily goals), and there is also a dry erase board with my monthly goals on it. I have piles of stuff that are screaming to be gone through and organized. And I have never thrown out so much stuff in my life. It's like I am nesting and detoxing at the same time.

I feel insane... out of control, yet in complete order. Ready to move on but unsure of where to go. Somethings about to happen. I am ready to stick my hand out, maybe even into someone else's.

I know right now this might sound crazy. And it is. One hundred percent. But I also hope this will be part of the solution. I am hoping this will put me back on track. And I know one day I will come back and look at this and laugh, at least I hope. I just want my confidence back. I want my fierce strength. I want to have a plan again.

Jesus help me. I am crying out to you for even the slightest sense of normalcy in my life. And a pinch of joy would be nice also.