Juggling

"She needs no map to discover where she is going, or how to get there."

Currently:

Reading: Karen Kingsbury book comes out Tuesday!

Watching: "Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"

Listening: "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

"Her map is written in her heart-"

Once upon a time my art hung on the walls of a gallery. I rode a horse as fast as lightening, I was a famous actress on stage, I taught a class of thirty kids, I was in ministry. Okay, so these are only half truths. The only gallery my art has been in, is the walls of my home. I've rode a horse before, on a guided trail. I used to act on stage; however I was only famous in my small town if you can call it that. I've taught a class of two year old kids, for a year. And I've only been in ministry for a season. But once upon a time I thought I could make a life doing these things. Once upon a time I had dreams that made me tick. Once upon a time...
Usually stories that start with "Once upon a time" usually end with "Happily ever after". Although we were later taught that life doesn't really work that way. And then we grew up. Passions were traded for pensions. Dreaming turned into everyday living, surviving.
I'm sorry if my "stories" as of late have been driving you crazy, but they have been the best way for me to examine and explain my life. I've been in a slump for a while now. And in case you didn't know,

"Slumps are like a soft bed. Easy to get into and hard to get out of." ~Johnny Bench

And if I were honest, I would say I have been struggling to get out of this bed for about three months. Its been a stirring ground for introspection. A decided thought for different days. The winding path of the week. We get so caught up in living everyday life, we have forgotten what it means to dream. We have forgotten that kid who lived inside of us who said nothing could stop us. We forgot what it was like to live my faith, that God was in control of our paths. That they are GOOD and EXCITING things. But that sometimes he requires us to take some action first. But that we also have to be content with the seasons.
This week I've been meditating on the path that lies ahead. Along with the person I want to be. In these thoughts I kept telling myself I had to start with ABC if I ever wanted to get XYZ. I kept telling myself that when I accomplished certain things I would become a different person. That characteristics I wanted to see in myself would just magically appear. Or that I would instantly be chic and stylish. Maybe that I would always be happy. Nevertheless, the truth is, life events will not change who I am. They can shape, guide, and direct me. Even so I have to actually make the change. And I have to be content in the seasons. I have to rejoice in who I am now, knowing that God has ordained this time and He's molding me to the person He called me to be.

"-its roads and rivers are her dreams, her strength, her confidence."

Over the next several weeks I am lining up several appointments. I am setting up a meeting with a school counselor so I can get back in to school, and moving towards my degree. I'm also calling a counselor, because I find I am at my best when I have a sounding board. I'm looking into some gyms, because I love the way I feel when I exert my body to make it strong and I feel like spending the money will ensure I follow through. My fridge is going on a detox, back to being full of fruits and veggies. I'm putting away my debit card, because while I have never let my account empty, I have been way less conscientious on my spending than normal. I really need to find some good thrift stores. In addition to exploring my options for what comes next.Which can only be found by diving into Him. I'm opening myself up, even though that may mean closing doors behind me.
I am a style. I am beauty. I am grace. I am strong. I am confident. I am polite. I am wise. I am true.

I am me.

"The way is not always easy, but when she takes a moment to notice the scenery, she sees that it is always beautiful."

I am her.