Anxiety mixed with Appreciation

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today."

Currently:

Reading: Honestly I haven't had the time...

Watching: Iron Chef

Listening:"Always Faithful" by Corey Asbury

 

Faithful, You're always faithful
True, You're always true

You'll never leave me, You're always with me
You're good, Youre good

This song has stuck with me as I continue to receive updates, hear news stories, and see so many people loving on these dear friends of mine. Because God is so good to us, and Caleb is doing so well! And we know that it's purely God working through man.

Part of me is afraid every time I walk down a street but then I remember that peace I can trade it in for and I do!
Because I look at all the odds were against Caleb... and I look at all the victories... and I stand in awe.

God has definitely grown me and is growing me in this situation , because I know the old me would constantly rely on fear. But instead I just feel so grateful. It's that peace I've found in turning myself over completely. He is God,He is so good, He is so ginormous. And all I can say is in this moment I am overwhelmed and short on words.

"Have you used one to say 'thank you?' "  ~William A. Ward

Anger and Absolution

" Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds,"

Currently:

Reading:Still trying to work on "Crazy Love"

Watching: 27 Dresses

Listening:"A Prayer For A Friend" by Casting Crowns

I fear that I won't have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.

So last night I had planned to come on here today and write more on something I had mentioned last night.  

And then this morning happened...

This morning I woke up at 5am to find that a dear friend of mine had just had his life changed forever. As the day has gone on, as I've prayed and talked to my friends there; my heart broke even more as I found out his fiance, another dear friend and sister, saw the whole thing happen. And I grew angry as I discovered a hit and run driver had just changed their happily ever after...

I've thought of a thousand names for this person I don't even know. I've desired to just get in a car and drive until I find this awful person who did this to my friend. Even though I have no idea who this person is or where to begin to search for them. I don't care who this person is, what their life is like, or how wrong it is that I want to pay them back for what they did with every vocal chord I have and every ounce of muscle I have and more. At least I didn't...

And then I thought of Caleb. I thought of Victoria. I thought of the amazing man and woman of God I know them to be. Of the outstanding character and gentle love they have always shown to others. The peace and happiness they've always carried. The very reason I loved encouraging them towards each other in their season of friendship, and celebrating with them when it blossomed into love. Because they have that pure faith.

Because I have been seeking God for his healing and because of their outstanding faith, God made it so abundantly clear that in spite of the fact that he is heartbroken for my friends too, he still loves and forgives this human being who drastically changed my friends life in a moment. And therefore so must I.

It's always hard when you have to forgive someone you know has done wrong, and it feels like its impossible. But the truth is its only by grace that I've been saved, and so I must show His grace in any circumstance. Forgiveness only binds me anyway.

So I know you will never read this, I know I will probably never meet you, I know I may never know the circumstances that led up to this. But whoever you are... I forgive you. I release you from any anger or bitterness in my heart. And I'm praying for you, because even though you didn't stop... this must be eating you alive. And His grace isn't circumstantial. 

Hang in there Caleb and Victoria, hang in there Graves family, hang in there Victory, MAMC family, and IHOP-pers. Because in the end He has overcome the world.

"...on the heel that has crushed it."  ~Mark Twain

Aphid

A lot of thoughts going through my head right now... but I have been SO tired. So here are a few... how do you avoid gossip when the things being said are true? What do you do when the people you love wrong you in exchange for being kind to someone else? How do you explain hope to those who don't believe in it?

Attraction, Adoration, and So Much MORE!

"Love bonds for a lifetime,"

Currently:

Reading:Still trying to work on "Crazy Love"

Watching:Extreme Couponing (Seriously these people are intense, I can only watch it once in awhile, and even then not a whole episode)

Listening:"Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North

Give me your life
The lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

FOREWARNING: The material in this post is a little more intense than my usual subject matter. You may not want to read past this point unless you are ready for some serious talk and some serious searching.

This is definitely not the post I envisioned writing today after being on vacation most of the week, but this is what's on my heart and I can't write something I don't feel truth in.

So lately I have had several rounds of dialogue with a topic kept hush-hush among the church... especially cross-generationally: SEXUAL SIN. Pornography. Masturbation. Petting. Lust. Premarital sex. Adultery. Homosexuality. And so much more. Yeah, I said it!

The world tells us go ahead and give in to our every whim and desire... whatever makes us happy is what we should do. And then we have people in the church telling us that we have to live by rules and guidelines and we are just sitting here trying to figure out where we fit in to these two different viewpoints. What is acceptable? What's going too far? Where do we set the boundaries and how close can we get to them?

And WHY CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT IT?!?!?!?! Seriously lets stop skirting around the issues and talk nitty-gritty. Lets quit pretending that it doesn't apply to us- ALL of us! You may think you don't edge anywhere near the topic but the Bible says whoever looks at someone the wrong way is committing adultery. That means looking someone up and down.

While we are at it, can we stop pretending that this is just a MAN's issue? Girls are not blind!!! Along my journey I have met at least one girl, if not more, that has struggled with all of those issues I mentioned before.

In fact the sermon I heard this morning dealt with the a female's sexual sin. Genesis 39 talks about Joseph's encounter with a woman who was hungering after his body. Or what about Hosea's wife Gomer? Or the adulterous Samaritan woman?

The fact is that as human beings we were designed to find the opposite sex attractive. But we were designed to enjoy the beauty of it in the context of marriage. The in between is just a true trial and test of your character. If you've failed that doesn't mean your horrid, but it means that we fall in to grace and then return to the original course.

So can we just get real? Can we start talking about this stuff? And stop isolating people by making them feel like they're the only ones that deal with it? Girls can we actually admit we have a problem? Can we lean in and share our hearts? And here's a touchy one, can we help the opposite sex understand us better without being weird? I know, I know. Not like oh my gosh I struggle with this and this and this; but as girls this is generally the process our mind goes through. Let's turn off the computers if we have to, throw out the magazines, lets check the content of those movies. Let's be accountable to one another. Lets stop keeping secrets from God, especially since he already knows!

"but lust just pushes away." -Alice Barnhart

Anticipation

"Most travel is the best of all,"

Currently:

Reading: Finally starting "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan today!

Watching: Step Up 2: The Streets (Man I wish I could dance!!!)
Listening: "When You're Around" by Relient K

 

I want to stay longer.
I made you you a place, a place within my heart
With you I'm so much stronger
That's why I'm glad we'll never have to part

 

I know the past few weeks my thoughts have been rather short but this one isn't going to be much better... All I can think about is the fact that in just a few short days I will finally get to see the people that mean more than anything to me in this world. I haven't seen anyone aside from my family in over a year, some of them longer... And the anticipation is killing me. I keep waking up praying its Tuesday because I know I will FINALLY be leaving!!!!!!!!!!!!! to go to my favorite place on earth. Can't wait. But for now I'll just let the 

ANTICIPATION

KEEP

BUILDING!!!!!!!!

"...in the anticipation or the remembering."- Regina Nadelson